I think I have made it to the Big Time...
You know something is up when the first thing I do after a phone call is need a cigarette.
No, it wasn't phone sex. It was much more than that.
I talked to *Him* today. First time.
This makes all my other relationships seem like junior high. This is the big time. Emotionally, physically, mentally... you name it.
It isn't going to be easy. But I don't want easy. I want someone who will keep me on my toes, a challenge. Boy, is this a challenge.
His voice is perfect. We seem to have connected even deeper over the phone. I can't wait to really see him, to look into his eyes and see what he is saying when he talks.
The fact that he lives 5 hours away is a bit daunting. But this is going to work... I can feel it.
It does scare me, a bit. It's not him, it's me that I'm worried about. What if I don't measure up? He is so amazing, and everyone respects him so much... What do I have that would keep his interest? He tells me he wants respect, honesty and obedience. That I can do. That I was born to do. It is in my DNA structure, I think. Someone like him who deserves it, it is easy to give to. Can I always live up to his expectations of me.. That is the question. I will always do my best, and I know that he knows that. There are things that won't be easy, things I won't like doing... But I will make it through them just knowing that it will please him. And contrary to what everyone thinks, just because I am submissive doesn't mean that I want pain.(although I do enjoy some, just not drastic) Most of the time, real pain means I have disobeyed, or not done something as well as was expected of me, and that hurts me more than the physical pain. I don't want to let him down. He tells me that my low self esteem has no basis in reality. I know that, mentally, but emotionally I haven't quite got myself convinced.
Three weeks. I have at least that long to wait until we meet in person. *sigh* That seems like forever. But you know, if this works out... We have the rest of our lives... Might as well take it slow now.
No, it wasn't phone sex. It was much more than that.
I talked to *Him* today. First time.
This makes all my other relationships seem like junior high. This is the big time. Emotionally, physically, mentally... you name it.
It isn't going to be easy. But I don't want easy. I want someone who will keep me on my toes, a challenge. Boy, is this a challenge.
His voice is perfect. We seem to have connected even deeper over the phone. I can't wait to really see him, to look into his eyes and see what he is saying when he talks.
The fact that he lives 5 hours away is a bit daunting. But this is going to work... I can feel it.
It does scare me, a bit. It's not him, it's me that I'm worried about. What if I don't measure up? He is so amazing, and everyone respects him so much... What do I have that would keep his interest? He tells me he wants respect, honesty and obedience. That I can do. That I was born to do. It is in my DNA structure, I think. Someone like him who deserves it, it is easy to give to. Can I always live up to his expectations of me.. That is the question. I will always do my best, and I know that he knows that. There are things that won't be easy, things I won't like doing... But I will make it through them just knowing that it will please him. And contrary to what everyone thinks, just because I am submissive doesn't mean that I want pain.(although I do enjoy some, just not drastic) Most of the time, real pain means I have disobeyed, or not done something as well as was expected of me, and that hurts me more than the physical pain. I don't want to let him down. He tells me that my low self esteem has no basis in reality. I know that, mentally, but emotionally I haven't quite got myself convinced.
Three weeks. I have at least that long to wait until we meet in person. *sigh* That seems like forever. But you know, if this works out... We have the rest of our lives... Might as well take it slow now.
2 Comments:
Sounds like one hell of a phone call. I'm sure if he is all you think he is then he will appreciate all you are. Good luck to both of you.
Thank you, Sir. And I don't think... I know. ;D
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